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A little sad - Peter Hentges

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June 30th, 2007

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08:26 am - A little sad
I find myself a little sad this morning for all the wrong reasons.

I was not invited to a particular social function that some of my friends were. I do not blame the hosts of the event for this. They had many guests, many of them from out-of-town and their home is only so big. Not to mention that food and drink for that number of people had to be overwhelming. I know they agonized over the guest list.

And if I had been invited, I would have been unable to attend.

So it's silly, you see, to feel like this. To be sad that I wasn't included in a fun event that I would have been unable to attend in any case. I report this feeling to help exorcise it.

There will be another function that I will be able to attend some of this evening. That will also help me move past this feeling. For now, I'll rustle up some breakfast.
Current Music: Empire State Express - Son House - Martin Scorsese Presents the Blues: Son House

(9 comments | Leave a comment)


Date:June 30th, 2007 02:42 pm (UTC)

General principle

Feelings are not silly, justified, or unjustified; they're just, well, feelings.
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Date:June 30th, 2007 06:26 pm (UTC)
I agree with the other comment. I don't think there are any "wrong" reasons to feel sad (or any other emotion). You feel what you feel.
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Date:June 30th, 2007 07:17 pm (UTC)
Wrong is probably inaccurate ... rather I was trying to express that I did not like the reasons that I felt sad. They seemed to me to not be things that would elicit that emotion. And yet, there it was.
Date:June 30th, 2007 06:31 pm (UTC)
I imagine you posting this might make the hosts feel bad given that it was a struggle to decide on guest list.

I find that the hard part of a situation like this usually isn't the mere fact that one isn't invited so much as finding out who made the cut and who didn't. People can feel that they find out where they rank as far as a friendship goes and if it doesn't match up with what they thought their relationship was, that can hurt.

It could be worse: what if you could make the event you aren't invited to but can't make the event you are invited to?
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Date:June 30th, 2007 07:15 pm (UTC)
I certainly hope the hosts don't feel bad. I posted to get my feelings out in the open, so I could examine them. I don't think they should have done things any differently.

While I'm sad I missed things, I don't feel any "ranking" of friendship. I know the hosts like me and I consider them good friends. If anything, I think their leaving me off the invites is a reflection of how well they know me; that it would be difficult for me to attend so many functions in so short a time.
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Date:June 30th, 2007 11:36 pm (UTC)

Feelings are Feelings

I have often found out about parties after they happen or even have been specifically not invited. This doesn't make the people doing the inviting "bad" at all. They had their reasons, but they should also be ready to accept that there is going to be hurt feelings when people feel excluded.

Feelings are feelings and sometimes it hurts more not to say anything. Sometimes one is left with the misconception that one is not wanted when one is not invited instead of knowing the reality of the real reasons. Sometimes there is no misconception at all. Sigh....

I hope you feel better. I am sure in your case that they had good reasons.
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Date:July 1st, 2007 07:59 am (UTC)

Re: Feelings are Feelings

I do feel better, thanks. My initial post was a reaction to having this feeling and not liking what I thought were the reasons for the feeling. I didn't think I'd been excluded, if anything, I thought the hosts showed they knew me well because I'd be unable to attend all the events anyway. I think I was down a bit anyway and hearing about the fun just triggered the sadness as a tangent.
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Date:July 1st, 2007 01:13 am (UTC)


Here am I responding and the comments above took the words right out of my mouth. Err, the type right off my keyboard, or some other such allegorical variance.

I'd probably feel similarily in that situation.
[User Picture]
Date:July 1st, 2007 08:00 am (UTC)

Re: ditto

Thanks for chiming in anway.

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