November 14th, 2003

self portrait

I miss my solitude

As I was preparing to come to work today, I realized that I was feeling extra stressed the last couple of days. I've been grumpy with Ericka and resentful of doing little things for her. I've been procrastinating my NaNo and sleeping much more than usual. (I have, fortunately, been taking my medication, so the stress hasn't had me particularly depressed.)

When I went looking for reasons behind the stress, I came to the realization that some of it is due to a lack of solitude. I've always been a solitary creature. As a child, I dove into books rather than hang out with other kids. I cherish time spent with a friend or two over that spent with large numbers.

The way things are working at the house these days, I have little solitude. I come home, get Ericka her morning medication and go to sleep. While I'm asleep, Ericka's helper comes so any time I wake up, there's someone in my house doing various cooking and cleaning things. When I'm finally up for good, I make Ericka dinner, make something for myself (rarely these days do I eat whatever it is I make for Ericka), feed the dog, feed the cat. If I'm lucky, I get all this done by 7 PM and I've got three and a half hours before I have to start preparing for work.

I usually use that time to watch a movie or some TiVo'd programs or read for a bit. Unfortunately, I'm frequently interrupted. Ericka needs one thing or another. The dog wants out. The dog wants back in. The cat needs petting.

I need to find time to be by myself. To decompress. Relax. My decompression activities of late have been going out to see friends. I miss my friends too, but I may have to abandon that pleasure until I get myself back. Back to center.
  • Current Mood
    stressed stressed