Peter Hentges (jbru) wrote,
Peter Hentges
jbru

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An evening's silliness

Ericka reminded me of the silliness that drifted up from my subconscious as we drifted off to sleep:

We were lying abed and I slipped an arm over her under the covers. Our cat, Vegas, saw the motion and pounced upon my hand. Ericka wondered why the cat would do this silly thing and I began to expound.

You see, the cat was merely keeping in practice. Pretending my fingers were a mouse in case a real mouse were to come by. This could be particularly dangerous if it was a vampire mouse. "Vampire mouse?" Ericka asked incredulously. "Yes," said I, "the South American Vampire Mouse." I then demonstrated how said mouse would creep under covers and sink its vampire fangs into Ericka's flesh to suck her blood. "Fangs?" she said, sounding dubious. "Yes, silly," I said, "How else will they suck your blood."

Ericka allowed as to how I had a point and that she didn't know that South American Vampire Mice had fangs. I explained that they were part of the standard vampire kit, along with the capes. "Capes?" By now she was giggling at my nearly every word, unaware, it seems, of the seriousness of the dangers presented by South American Vampire Mice. I patiently explained that, of course, South American Vampire Mice wore capes. How else could they take one side across they little grey muzzles and exclaim "Blah!" (in an appropriately mouse-like pitch)?

For some reason Ericka found this unbelievable and exclaimed, "You're making this up!" I explained that, of course I was making it up but that doing so didn't preclude it being true. Besides, I said, it was my job to make them up along with the other fiddley bits.

"Fiddley bits?" She said, curious. From there, I went into a riff about how I was an independent contractor for the Creator working on the Earth. You see, I helped build the world in conjunction with three guys from Jersey. (Harry, Bob, and Phil. They're with The Union. I wanted Joe, he does good work, but he was busy with the horsehead nebula.) While the other guys were the main line contractors, they didn't have time for fiddley bits and so I helped out making those all fill in.

"But why did they need you?" Ericka asked. Well, without me, the world would have been the sole creation of three guys from Jersey. Bad enough that a few things fell through. I mean, one day, Phil has a bit too much to drink and, well, how do you suppose we got the platypus? And they're kind of big and clumsy. You know the fjords? That was Harry. He dropped Norway and broke off the edge all ragged like. But it all worked out. "And how long did this take?" "Six days, of course," I answered. I didn't tell her that we just quit after six days because funding ran out even though there was still work to be done.

So on and off since then, Ericka has been asking details about the vampire mice. Most recently she was corrected of the impression that their capes were maybe only short ones, not going down their entire bodies. "Feh!" said I, incredulous, "What self-respecting South American Vampire Mouse would be caught dead in a demi-cape?"
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