Peter Hentges (jbru) wrote,
Peter Hentges
jbru

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Divergences in time

I stayed home from work yesterday. Nothing really wrong with me, but I was terribly tired and just couldn't bring myself to go to work.

It started the previous evening. Ericka and a visiting guest went out to Barnes & Noble. This is a treat for Ericka because a) she doesn't get to go out much as her physical disabilities make it hard for her to do so and b) I don't like to shop with Ericka. (We have conflicting shopping styles and it ends up driving me nuts. I identified this early in our relationship and now simply refuse to shop with her. It's better this way; really.)

This started out just fine for me, I watched the episode of Babylon 5 the Tivo had dutifully grabbed for me and then started in on the Twins game. It was a frustrating game, the Twins losing despite a good effort by their pitcher and a ninth inning rally. By the time the game was done, I was ready for bed and expecting Ericka to come home any minute.

Our guest for the week is a woman from Toronto. She's a fine sort and Ericka has lots of fun with her. She's a good guest, taking care of herself and being quite considerate, even contributing to things like laundry and meals. She is, however, a bit forgetful from time to time. Not a big deal, I only mention it because Ericka sometimes needs assistance getting ready for bed. With no one but our guest around, I didn't want to go to bed only to have to get back up to help Ericka if she needed it.

So I sat down in front of Alpha Centauri and amused myself until about midnight. About then, our friend the massage therapist came in as he was going to accompany Ericka to her pool therapy in the morning. So with a second person around, I figured one of the two of them could help Ericka and I went to bed.

Well, Ericka's wake-up time for her therapy on Tuesdays is 5:30 a.m. Not nearly enough sleep for me, having got to bed by about 12:30 a.m. Plus I was annoyed I had to stay up so late and a bit worried that something untoward had happened while Ericka was out. So by the time I got Ericka off I was pretty darn tired. I ate some yogurt and took my morning dose of Ritalin, but that just wasn't enough to get me going. So I called in to work, to let them know I wasn't going to make it in. Unfortunately, the Ritalin did its job and kept me awake so I was in that funky so tired but can't sleep space for the early part of the day.

At work today, I feel a lot like I did yesterday. I did get enough sleep with going to bed on time and catching a good nap yesterday afternoon. But I'm looking at what I'm going to accomplish at work today and feeling like I could have just as well stayed home again. Heck, at least if I'd stayed home I would have gotten in another good game of Alpha Centauri.

It's frustrating working on something that you know will not make the impact it is supposed to. I received three separate pieces of mail this morning telling me, in no uncertain terms, that our web site is not working well. The work I'm doing for it now is just cosmetic. The real problems are down in the guts of the information architecture and this change won't fix them.

So I procrastinate and commiserate with a co-worker who can see the same things I can. I fume silently about having to teach my boss JavaScript and CSS as I do my magic with the cosmetic change. I grumble more about having to go back and fix whatever code he mucks around with.

And it all feels like deja vu. Like I did just this sort of thing last year and it is what got us to where we are now. If things go according to schedule, I'll make a stand in about a month and be told that things have to be this way for just a little while longer and then we can look at doing them differently. Meanwhile, the stock price plunges, more layoffs loom, and I keep getting grumpier.

I think I'll spend today looking for ways to change that.
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