November 14th, 2003
|06:18 am - I miss my solitude|
As I was preparing to come to work today, I realized that I was feeling extra stressed the last couple of days. I've been grumpy with Ericka and resentful of doing little things for her. I've been procrastinating my NaNo and sleeping much more than usual. (I have, fortunately, been taking my medication, so the stress hasn't had me particularly depressed.)
When I went looking for reasons behind the stress, I came to the realization that some of it is due to a lack of solitude. I've always been a solitary creature. As a child, I dove into books rather than hang out with other kids. I cherish time spent with a friend or two over that spent with large numbers.
The way things are working at the house these days, I have little solitude. I come home, get Ericka her morning medication and go to sleep. While I'm asleep, Ericka's helper comes so any time I wake up, there's someone in my house doing various cooking and cleaning things. When I'm finally up for good, I make Ericka dinner, make something for myself (rarely these days do I eat whatever it is I make for Ericka), feed the dog, feed the cat. If I'm lucky, I get all this done by 7 PM and I've got three and a half hours before I have to start preparing for work.
I usually use that time to watch a movie or some TiVo'd programs or read for a bit. Unfortunately, I'm frequently interrupted. Ericka needs one thing or another. The dog wants out. The dog wants back in. The cat needs petting.
I need to find time to be by myself. To decompress. Relax. My decompression activities of late have been going out to see friends. I miss my friends too, but I may have to abandon that pleasure until I get myself back. Back to center.
Current Mood: stressed
|Date:||November 14th, 2003 02:28 pm (UTC)|| |
I understand. When my mother lived with us, I never ever was alone in the house (she couldn't go out except when I took her to a medical appointment), and it was difficult.
|Date:||November 15th, 2003 03:33 am (UTC)|| |
I got a start on that, but it's languished for a while. The gardening a did this summer was a way to decompress. So perhaps with winter closing in on us, I'll turn my attentions to my basement room again.
Part of my difficulty is that I have this vision for what I'd like to do with the room and probably won't be able to afford it in the short term. So I need to figure out the steps toward achieving the dream that I can take that won't leave the dream out of the question and help me otherwise.